That much said, I can see how one might look at what I wrote and consider it childish. That's fair, I guess, but it's obviously not how I look at my present situation. I'm passionate about wanting to get my work produced and frustrated that my management of that ambition and its balance with my home and work lives has fallen short, and that disappointment with my own efforts bled through into that last post (Count to ten, then blog). I received an honest and biting reply that I take full ownership of, and I offer that reply and my counter-reply to you now as further illustration of where I am.
Anonymous said...
To be honest, frank, and, it will be cruel:
I just wanted to see if you had mustard- you don't. You sound like a whining baby who didn't get enough attention and now he's taking his sorry ass back to the bedroom, slamming the door and moping- hoping- praying- that someone will react.
Man, the screenwriting world is a tough place.
And you're soft.
You gotta take the kicks with smiles, not whimpers.
That's just reality.
I mean, who are YOU?
Look at the writers on strike- they've made billions for the studios and yet the studios still treat them like shit.
Who are you? Have you earned a penny from your writing? No? So- get a thick skin and keep plugging and stop complaining that people haven't made a comment in so many months on your little blog.
Write. Keep writing. Through good and bad or get yourself a god damned divorce.
Do you see any of the real writers who are on strike boo-hooing 'cause the boys in suits treat them like last years samonella?
No, you don't. And they're risking their only income.
What are you risking? Your ego- that is all- your ego.
Tom said...
Hey man, you may think I'm kidding, but I appreciate that. These are the very questions I've been asking myself. It's no mistake I made this decision this week, I've been reading what the writers I admire have been saying and questioning whether I've got the stuff to handle what they have been going through, and this strike has shed light on the 48 percent of WGA members who do not have work as well as the midlevel working writers you never hear of that are feeling this strike with every bill that hits the mailbox. It's made me question what I'm doing on this blog and what I'm doing in trying to start a career in writing.
I haven't thought it all through yet, but this much is what I know now:
I'm not as disciplined as I'd like
I'm a procrastinator
I'm more than a hair too needy
However, I do know this from my experience so far reading specs from various online sources, scripts I've reviewed from a small sample (about 100) of the other amateurs out there:
My work is good, a lot better than what I've seen. Maybe as good as stuff that gets produced and certainly better than crap that gets produced. Whether this makes me good enough to get a sale is the question to which I've been hoping to find an answer, either here or elsewhere.
My initial (if unspoken) goal with this blog was to tap into a community that I haven't had access to; I didn't go to film school, I don't work in production, I don't live in L.A.. I have met through this blog some very encouraging folks, but meeting them has also pointed out to me that if I'm going to make this work, there's so much more that needs to be done, and a great deal of it needs to be done on my own.
The conflict I've been putting off from fully dealing with is whether I can commit full-time to my family, my job (and earning more) and trying to make a run at being a screenwriter at the same time. To this point in time, one of these three things has suffered while the others received attention. Although I've let a lot of personal stuff fly here, I haven't let it all out, and while all I am is words on a webpage to most of the people who've read this blog, the reality is I'm 42, married late in life compared to most after wondering if that would ever happen, I have one kid here and another that will be pop out within two months, I have a job that doesn't pay all that great after having changed careers a few too many times, plus some issues this past year that I'm not going to air out here but which took up a lot of time and energy and still do every day. That much I'm not whining about, all that I have now is gold to me and I'm going to protect it, which leaves trying to change careers or even just taking the time to make one lousy sale and then fade off into the ether again something that places third on my list of priorities.
Finding time for third without shorting first and second has been the problem. I thought blogging about it might help. It has, but it just doesn't feel right anymore, not today, not when I watch the efforts my wife goes through to pick up whatever slack I inevitably leave by sitting down at my computer.
Your words are honest and even cruel as promised, but even within the barbed wire I can see the flower of encouragement, so thanks.
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